(non)existance
by the.ways.we.lie
Summary: There's always that crushing feeling of loneliness waiting for her. [naminé-centric]


note: another lonely fic for naminé

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(non)existance

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There's always that crushing feeling of loneliness waiting for her.

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She doesn't notice it at first. She believes the whispers of the Organization, that she's "special" and that that's why she's alone, that's why she has no friends, that's why she doesn't have anyone or anything to protect her, to care for her.

But there are other whispers at the back of her head, whispers that tell her it's something else.

Naminé ignores these whispers, and continues to draw with her crayons.

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The first time she draws the trio of Sora, Kairi, and Riku, she is proud of the drawing, and she hangs it up on the wall.

She continues to draw everyday, but there's something nagging her seeing the drawing. Something tells her that it's because she's alone. Naminé shakes these thoughts away, and creates the memories for the Riku Replica.

The replica is in love with her. She spends several days with it-no, him, just talking and smiling and laughing. Naminé is told that she cannot feel anything as a Nobody, but she feels something when she spends time with the replica, and after all, she's special, isn't she?

But then Marluxia snatches him away to fight the real one, the real Riku.

Naminé has never felt lonely before, because she's never had anyone taken away from her, never had anyone be there for her, and then just be gone the next moment. She asks herself what's real and what's not, because this crushing feeling of bitter, empty **loneliness **is real, because she feels it everyday, staring at that damn drawing of Sora and friends, and that's all she feels looking at that drawing now, a devastating sense of loneliness._  
_

And then Marluxia asks her to "reprogram" the replica with new memories, as if he was a doll, a machine, or just a tool.

Naminé chokes down her silly (nonexistant) feelings and gets to work.

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The next trio she draws is Roxas, Axel, and Xion.

She wants to draw Xion before she goes away, before she disappears, and she thinks she's doing Xion and herself a favor, by keeping her in something that'll last for a while, even if memories are never truly gone.

Naminé loves Roxas. He was everything Sora was and wasn't, with spiky blond locks, electric blue eyes, he was perfect. She'd only glimpsed him a few times outside the mansion, but she'd fallen crazy in something for the teen, and she was thinking about him the same way she had about Sora, and she'd do anything to have him.

She tries to tell herself she's not insane.

She's not crazy about Axel, he's always been rather nicer than the others when she was at Castle Oblivion, but he's there to complete to trio anyway.

But Xion was different. To Naminé, she was competition. She was competition to Roxas and her. Was. Naminé feels guilt for having told her the fate she was doomed to, and she had accepted it. So no matter if Xion was competition or not for Roxas, she deserved a place among _friends. _Naminé almost always feels a twinge of something around her heart when she hears or thinks of that word.

She knows she's only had two true friends, one was sleeping in a memory pod, while the other was fighting a battle for dominance against darkness in his own body.

So Naminé looks at the drawing bitterly sometimes, but it's such a nice drawing, and the only one of Xion, so she needs to keep it, she can't rip it up into a million pieces like her (nonexistant) heart tells her too.

She sighs.

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She draws the last trio only a few days after Xion's demise.

It's a tall, dark spiky haired brunette, with a Roxas lookalike, and a tall blue haired maiden. Naminé was about to draw Sora again, but something moved her hand to draw _Terra_, (woah, where did that name come from), and then the Roxas_ven _lookalike, and then the blue haired_aqua _maiden.

Naminé isn't exactly sure who these people are, but she knows that she's never met them, (she's met very few people in her life) and yet something tells her she has.

But as soon as the tries hanging up the drawing with the other two trios, she knows something is wrong. She sits in front of the three drawings, feeling that dulled feeling of loneliness creep up on her again, trying to think of what could possibly be wrong.

Then she thinks of it.

This trio hasn't been, Naminé tries to think of a proper word, _complete_ for a long time.

So she takes the drawing down, because it doesn't fit in, it's not right, but she doesn't know what to do with it after. And so Naminé rips the drawing up. It's not meaningful to her, as she tears it up with little to no feeling, but there was something about that drawing that was different.

DiZ enters the room and tells her roughly to reprogram Roxas, and to do it quick, just as she had with the replica.

Naminé looks down at the table, and starts to work.

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note: yeah, idk these fics keep coming out...not right lol.

but anyway, this fic was inspired by the cover photo, not sure who drew it, but it is amazing.

please leave a review to tell me what you thought of it, comments, compliments, critiques, etc.

special thanks to mah beta, omegastarshooter14~

and that's all i got, folks.

-truth


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